pervy snape fancier

( see tags; a fairly wide variety of stuff here! )

Dudes, check out the awesome little comment ficlet kerrisokol wrote for me on my latest summaries post!

Happy birthday, slashpine!

You pointed at this picture and requested something with either Severus or a young "Snape-like" Albus Severus and computers. I don't think Al came out very "Snape-like" here (more like "some Snapeish references"), but I hope you enjoy this anyway!

Title: Heavy Wizardry
Characters: Potter family featuring mainly Harry and Albus Severus
Genre: Gen/humour
Rating: G
Words: ~1150
Summary: Albus Severus is a right little geek, he is.
Warnings: Unbetaed, unBritpicked silliness.
A/N: The title refers to the hackish sense of "wizard".


Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.

*****

( Albus was only five years old when he started asking if he could have a computer. )

via melusinahp:

1. The first character I fell in love with: Severus. Dur-hay. But...

2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now:...this is probably true too. I mean, I always liked him, but I fell hard after DH. (Yeah, I'm one of those.)

Also, Regulus. Never thought much about him before fandom, but fandom taught me to love him too.

3. The character everyone else loves that I don't: Luna. She's all right, don't get me wrong, but a lot of people seem to be over the moon (no pun intended) and she just kinda rubs me the wrong way, especially in the films.

4. The character I love that everyone else hates: I'm not a fan of any of the real underdogs like Grawp, so I don't think I have an answer for this. Where Marauder-hate is common, then I could say Sirius.

5. The character I used to love but don't any longer: Maybe Harry, actually? I kind of fell out of sympathy for him. He became less someone I could identify with and root for as the series went on.

6. The character I would shag anytime: Severus, but he needs to be reasonably like the one in my head. No bait-and-switch with a scary creature out of the mind of Mary GrandPre, nor impossible bishie Sev. I'm all for pretty boys with long dark hair, but that's different. If you cross a certain line it's just not Severus anymore, and it's him that I... aaamm not going to wax fangirly about because language like that belongs in a fanfic in someone else's mouth. Ahem.

Sirius too, I think. JKR might have me on "bad boy syndrome" there, but the question wasn't "who would you have a long-term relationship with". :P (What was that I was saying about pretty boys with long dark hair that weren't Severus?)

I say "boys", but I am thinking somewhere age 23-28 (I can haz newbie Professor Snape plz?), and also not the 48 they'd both be if they were canonically alive right now. I've gotten over ~20-year age differences as an a priori turnoff in fic, but my own real-life tolerance is about age 20-35 (depending on, uh, stuff).

7. The character I'd want to be like: I don't think there are any. Rowena Ravenclaw lol. Like there's enough to go on there.

8. The character I'd slap: I'd like to give Dumbles a poke in the twinkly eye sometimes, but you don't really go around slapping 110-year-old wizards, now, do you?

9. A pairing that I love: Severus/Lily. Severus/Sirius. Severus/Regulus. Sirius/Regulus (just to prove it's not all about Severus :P ).

10. A pairing that I despise: I don't despise any; everyone has their tastes, even if I don't understand them. There's a lot of Severus pairings I don't like, though (/Minerva, /Moody, /Shacklebolt, /Dumbledore, /Arthur, /Bellatrix except under certain angsty/drama circumstances, the list goes on). Draco/Hermione. Fenrir/anyone.

This icon makes me giggle so much. (by iconfluence in citadel_icons) (both on LJ)



I keep picturing a filming outtake:

ALAN: Know what it is?
DAN: Bubble juice, sir?
ALAN: Veritaserum. *pauses*
ALAN: *gets a blank look on his face*
ALAN: *has entirely forgotten the rest of the line*
ALAN: ...dumbass.
DAN: *completely cracks up*

“The locket tried to choke me when I got near the sword, remember? The bit of soul inside could sense it. Hermione, could you make me float around the room? We could see if any of the cups react to the sword.”

But Hermione shook her head. “Wingardium Leviosa isn’t meant for very heavy objects, Harry. I doubt I could keep you up for very long.”

“What about this?” said Ron, waving his wand at Harry. “Levicorpus!”

Harry was instantly hoisted into the air by an ankle. He felt the blood rushing to his scalp, and his glasses nearly slid off his nose. “Thanks for the warning!” he shouted down to Ron in cross voice.

“Sorry,” said Ron, suppressing a grin. “But I did owe you.”

*snerk* ...aaaahahahaha! That's great.

-----

“Harry, yer gonna think I’m crazy but I can’t help thinkin’ maybe Snape’s still on our side after all.”

“WHAT!” Harry shouted. The Welsh Green looked up curiously and Harry quickly lowered his voice. “You can’t be serious. He killed Dumbledore. I saw it.”

“I know, I know,” said Hagrid, holding up one hand in supplication. “But after the fall term began I just started thinkin’…Dumbledore always said that the two people he trusted most were me an’ Snape. And that I had to trust Snape no matter what. No matter what.” Hagrid emphasized. “Yeh know Dumbledore had that black hand all year long, maybe…maybe he was dyin’ already and told Snape ter finish the job. Yeh know, ter keep up his cover.”

Harry bristled at this suggestion – or perhaps it was the knowledge that he was at best third on Dumbledore’s trustworthy list.

*blink* *shifty eyes* *nose crinkle* AHAHAHAHA! Pure Harry. ;)

So, basically, va32h continues to win.

-----

Hermione set the cauldron down and unpacked it. She knelt on the ground and flipped through the little potions book until she found the correct page. If Hermione was at all nervous or unsure, she hid it well. Her tone and actions were as businesslike and brisk as if she were back in Slughorn’s dungeon, mixing up a class assignment.

This is them mixing up an Annihilation Potion as a way to destroy the Horcrux-cup since their sword appears to be fresh out of basilisk venom. My first thought?

This is no time to be following a standard published recipe! Where's a certain copy of Advanced Potion-Making when you need it??

...yeah, well, I got problems. ;)

In the process of trying to assist fenm with a "dead!Snape and Harry have a chat" (whether by means of portrait, or Resurrection Stone) fic, I have produced a mostly-dialogue drabble:


"You know, Professor, I was thinking of naming one of my children after you."

"How gauche, Potter. Can't come up with anything original between you and your Weasley sweetheart? Pity."

Harry's eyes flashed, but for once he kept his temper in check. "Look, I know it's a little cliched to name children after people you respect, but--"

Snape snorted. "I wonder if you've looked that word up in the dictionary lately. I certainly wouldn't have used it to describe your attitude towards me."

"That's because you weren't still around when I started thinking it."

Snape blinked, confused.

"Go on..."

"Harry Potter and the Cubic Zirconium of Doom":

DUMBLEDORE: Before we begin, I would like to set up a few rules for Harry Potter to break.

...

PERCY: That’s Professor Snape; he’s head of Slytherin house. He teaches potions, but everybody knows he’s a pervy defence against the Dark Arts fancier. [points at current name and giggles]

...

HARRY: Who? The fangirls?
OLIVER: (slaps a hand over Harry’s mouth) Shut up; they’ll hear you!
HARRY: Mrrnf.
OLIVER: Now then... Quidditch is fairly easy to learn. It requires two baseball players, three basketball players, and a goalie. It also requires a seeker. That’s you.
HARRY: Uh, Wood, why are you talking with an American accent?
OLIVER: The Irish one is too sexy. Can’t risk it.


"Harry Potter and the Plumbing of Doom":

MESSAGE ON WALL: Chamber of Secrets: Grand Re-Opening! Lowest prices on death and destruction in the greater Hogsmeade area! Ask about our mudblood discounts!

...

Snape and Lockhart assume their dueling positions. Snape’s worn a delightfully tight-fitting coat just for the occasion.

LOCKHART: One…two…five!
HARRY: Three, sir!
LOCKHART: Three!

...

DUMBLEDORE: Marvelous creatures, phoenixes. They can do whatever the plot requires of them whenever it is called for.


"A Pointlessly Sarcastic Story about Nothing At All With a Longwinded Title to Try to Make Up For It":

"So they cast the spells and it turned out that, despite what he said, Draco really did give a flying fuck."


rofl.


And now for a pet peeve moment:

Sev-er-us. It's got three, and only three, perfectly good syllables unless one of the following conditions applies:

1. You're going for comedic effect in a humour/crack/parody fic.
2. He's being teased.
3. It's Lily talking, and even then, she only gets "Sev". (Still makes me cringe, though.)

Otherwise, nobody, but nobody else gets to shorten it or otherwise alter it. Capisce? ("Done." "Feels good." All: "Beatniks!")