pervy snape fancier

All he cared about was filling wizard’s bowels with his goodies.

Um.

Erotica: ur doin it rong.

Hell -- ordinary pr0n, even, ur doin it rong.

One shot Coming of age tale involving Weasley and Snape. Some magic, very foul language....

Some magic? I guess that's reasonable. It's only a Harry Potter fanfic, after all. Wouldn't want to put too much magic in.

...My best story yet.

Oh dear.

Let me say that again, in case it wasn't clear enough: Oh dear.

I sent this one to babb_chronicles, so I'll be doing this again, but I just can't resist sharing some of these absolutely, um, lovely lines: ( Read more... )

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Harry Potter runs for school board under a strange platform.

Looks like Harry's been starting the post-election celebration a little early.

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One-shot Hermione has a question for the Potions Professor but when she goes to look for him she is met with a very interesting surprise.

Turns out he's been doing naughty things with One-trick Harry and Ronnie One-note.

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A scene of lust between none other than Snape and Hermione. This is a scene that will be placed into a story I am writing, at a later date. But enjoy for now. THIS IS AN EXPLICIT PIECE OF WORK - MA ONLY!

Wow, you're brave. I'd never show my explicit fanfic to my mother.

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(this one could be a lot worse, although it includes some amusing misused words, like Hermione wearing a violet "brazier" and stuffing books into her "back".)

Hermione has a detention with Snape that explodes, and ends up becoming more than either of them bargained for, though not what they didn’t all-ready want.

Oooh, bad luck, Granger. Most of your incarnations get detentions with non-exploding Snapes. I imagine you certainly didn't bargain for becoming basically a red stain smeared across the walls of the dungeon.

Totally AU. OC fic. Severus discovers something interesting before Harry Potter comes to Hogwarts.

'Cause you see, in the books, nothing interesting ever happened before Harry Potter came to Hogwarts! That's what makes this an AU!

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Severus Snape has been living in his painting in the Headmaster's office for the past 41 years, when Jasona enters his life. What does the mysterious purple metal ball have to do with Severus Snape's past and will Jasona ever get out of the painting again

Uhh...

Severus Snape, in the painting, with the mysterious purple metal ball. That definitely doesn't vibrate or anything.

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What is that beautiful music.Harry returns to hogwarts for another year, and why is he so quiet? OO he has lost his voice, who will help Harry find it again? Or is it only his voice thats the problem? Snarry pairing-this is guy/guy. I dont own harry potte"

Sorry, Harry. Once you sell your voice to the sea witch so you can get legs and try to win the heart of the Prince, you can't get it back again.

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(a line in a fic)
Sirius grunted and then steeped aside allowing Snape to come in.

Sirius is a teapot, short and stout...

I see that the sun is setting down it was be about

Six or seven but all that I think about what just happened it roam my brain and does not seem to

Stop the way that her face looked with no motion.


O.o er.

It's kind of like a haiku, if you squint...


I sent that one off to babb since it's all written like that. English that takes expenditure of Willpower points to figure out, line-breaks in random places, capitalization after line-break even when it's in the middle of a sentence, haphazard use of quotation marks that makes people appear to be speaking their actions aloud, etc.

I can't figure out why everyone thinks the title OC, Isabella Evans, is the image of Lily, since apparently she has black hair. Points for having her be Harry's cousin through a more distant relationship than usual, though (Lily's uncle, I think it was, or even great-uncle). Cooking up relatives in places of the family tree that were left utterly unmentioned is a lot less offensive than having her be Petunia's daughter would have been.

I'm a girl of many instrests and talants... one of which is not spelling and I promise you I use the spell check on microshoft.

Um. Er, yeah. Look, sweetie, honeycakes -- UR DOIN IT RONG.

I looked at this profile because some of the mistakes in the story I was reading seemed almost like "English != first language" ones rather than just suckitude, but she doesn't state her location. From her name (withheld to protect the, um, well, to protect a minor, let's go with that) I'm guessing she is in fact in North America, although that still doesn't guarantee English was her native tongue.

Allow me to illustrate my point for you:

Severus eyes lingered in those beautiful greens ones he saw before him.

It was a very appetizing salad indeed.

She bit her lip trying to hold back the usher of tears wanting to come again.

"The usher of tears" sounds like it wants to be a pretentious net.goth name.

(referring to whiskey)
Most certainly she could not find out he drank a fools drink.

That's such an unusual phrase that I wonder if it's really a proverb somewhere in the world. Does anyone recognize it?

...he thought to himself but he did not wake up as he went about putting away the shot glass and slender bottle that he was most temped not to drink at the present time.

(correcting "temped" to "tempted") For easy access, he left out all the ones that he did feel like drinking.

(not so correcting) That's a weird temp job -- not drinking at some times, then drinking at others? What, is he being paid for a medical study or something?

She knew Albus was getting into his age rather quickly and even though the man was so nice she could not allow herself to protrude him any longer.

I'm going to go with her feeding him into one of those plastic things you squeeze Play-Doh through, and keep this G-rated. (Aside from the horrible gory bloody death this would inflict upon him, that is.)

In an AU exists a Slytherin Harry and in another a Gryffindor Harry. What happens when the gaps in one person get too large...

I predict.... death.

...and how does fate deal with it? HPSS, HPLV and DMBZHP. Not for ppl w outstanding morals.

Phew! That excuses me from duty, then.

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After finishing Harry Potter 7, I was so surprised to find the truth about Snape, and was so impressed that I write this fanfic. Any merit, refer it to J.K. Million thanks for her having written the story so good. Please comment.

I think she's got to be up to J.K. Trillion by now.

(I was amused to see Severus described as a "hapless chap" in this one.)

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Snape finally meets his daughter, just as he decides he loves Harry. But she likes Potter too, enough to..do the dirty deed with him.

But was it done dirt cheap?

(Points for almost naming the daughter Semele, which though alliterative, would at least not have been a &*^!ing Serena. Points immediately lost, however, for taking a left turn and calling her Semilie instead.)

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(the entire summary)
harry snape get it on.!

"We were going to, if you'd noticed," Harry said, indicating his naked body as he lay spread-eagle on the bed, "but we'd rather do it on our own schedule, thanks." He shook his head and turned to look at Severus. "Some people are so fucking impatient, aren't they?"

"Myself included," Severus said, running his fingertip down the line of Harry's throat.

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A potion induced comma sends tow unlikely people into a singing moment. *shudders* Song fic AU

If you ever wanted to picture Severus and Hermione playing the parts of Aladdin and Jasmine, here's your opportunity. Hmm... although you know, Severus would make a good Jafar. Also starring: Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of Fawkes. O.o

( But 'a potion induced comma'? That calls for crack!fic... )

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(the entire summary)
Severus relies on his one reliable friend.

As opposed to his unreliable friends, you'll note. Plenty of common sense, that bloke...

(another entire summary from the same author)
Severus observes something that Lily had already noticed.

...but apparently a bit slow on the uptake.

(I'm tempted to offer an MST3K line here: Lily: "Oh! What's that?" Severus: "That means I like you!")

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(fic doesn't look that bad actually)
Harry has forgotten. Features crazy harry.

No thanks; I prefer dirty Harry. (Do I feel lucky?)

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Its a wonderful life. Snape wishes he had never been born after Lily's death. A one-shot.

His wish is my command. Alakazam! He's now been born over 21 years before Lily's death.

Once again, kids, clause order matters.

(That movie would totally be the Christmas classic in my household. Forget that Jimmy Stewart guy; give me Severus!)

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Hermione goes on strike from Snape. Post war. Pretty much ignored DH.

We always knew it was going to end in a strike. The man's just been bloody unreasonable at the bargaining table. Gryffindors Local 7163 unite!

Her red hair fell in her face, making her look like she had carrots on her head.

I do not think "carrot-top" means what you think it means.

every orgasm made her more sensitive, easier for more orgasms to come her way.

Ummmm, okay then! You know, it's never really worked that way for me (more's the pity).

Hot gurl Hot guy Hot time in bed. Ok so we're gonna c our 2 fav characters well my 2 fav characters, i don't care if they're not yours BOND You know what I MEAN anyway as always ReAd andddd drumroll.... REVIEW!

Bond (James Bond) didn't want to read your little trainwreck anyway.

By request of sunny_rosa in babb_chronicles:

    

Harry bended over the railing a little to see what the bucket hit. It was a person. And that person was cover in goo from head to sholder.And that person was a man. That man looked up at Harry and than Harry could see that man’s face perfectly. Harry gasped loud. The man covered in Goo was SNAPE!!

(This is from the same one as "a 40 year old serverus snape", by the way. Harry also talks to "navel" Longbottom, has a "meta" bucket, and a "dissent and normal" day.)

on hermione's birthday she finds out that she is the daughter of Zeus and a camenae named Althea she must keep this a secret or be capruted by Voldemort. she gets to meet Zeus and her mother along the way. rated mature for talk of rape.

You've been spying on this babb_chronicles thread, haven't you?

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Severus Snape did not die that night. He made his escape and evolved. This is how it could have happened.

Severus Snape, wizard. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology.

crossdressing!Remus wants Sev to tell him that he thinks Remus is pretty. Sev says he's not. why would he say such a foul thing? okay so it was supposed to be a oneshot but, I decided how 'bout Snape's POV from say... a chapel?

Severus's expression was stuck somewhere between a scowl and openmouthed disbelief. "Lupin, what got into your furry little brain that made you think this was an appropriate way to dress for church?"

"I'm sorry you're disappointed, Severus, but if when you said 'Sunday best' what you actually meant was 'second best', then you should have just asked for what you really wanted. I keep telling you it's all right to do that and I wouldn't be angry with you," Lupin replied. "In any case I laundered this specially. Now come over here and help me do up the zip."

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Severus Snape needs Money too see his favorite band KISS, where does he go to get some? Chuck E'Cheese Featuring Lucious Malfoy..

In case you didn't catch that, that's Severus Snape getting a job at Chuck E Cheese so as to be able to afford a KISS concert. (Where "Lucious" comes into it, I couldn't tell you.)

...the goggles, they do nothing!

Snape and Lupin have an arrangement. Warnings: spanking, slight DS relationship, slashish. No sex. Written for secret santa challenge.

Slashish n. A substance whose use results in being "Under the Influence".

("Yes. Well. I think we have answered your question, Black." "Oh? Which question was that?" "We are definitely very, very, very stoned.")

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Harry serves detention and George writes an essay on the sexy plant.

That must be where they manufacture all the sexy that keeps cropping up in everyone's fics.

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Snape is a brilliant dueler, a master of the Dark Arts and a darn good potions master.

And gosh darn it, people like him!

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Being forced to marry an unkown 'lecher' by her father, Erin Donavan doesn't know where to turn. Her boyfriend doesn't like it anymore than she does. Then, she fins out the 'lecher' is Professor Severus Snape. What's a girl to do ?

Apply to the Ministry for restitution under Section 453.4a of the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of OOC Snapes?

It's just about as good as it sounds, by the way: Lord!Snape (presumably a pureblood himself, since they keep mentioning how the Sue is one - and yet she is listening to Phantom of the Opera on her stereo?), interminable descriptions of her every fashion and makeup choice, Pensieve scenes of a cutting!teenage!Severus, constant spelling of "love" as "luve", and Slytherin cheerleading in chapter 8. (ya rly.) To be fair, though, it seems to be mostly written in English as we know it, and sometimes she does all right by Severus. For example:

“ WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT !?! “ Professor Severus Snape roared.

Ah, yes; exactly what I imagined he'd have to say about this. Good characterization! *smirk*

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During a potions accident Harry and Severus get hit with the same potion by Ron....

Sounds like Ron should try out for Chaser. Or championship darts.

...Two weeks in the hospital wing, a mental link and matching animagus forms occur....

<Rickman!Snape> OB-vious-ly. </Rickman!Snape> Can you possibly imagine any other results? I know I can't.

...What is in store for the Boy who crushed Voldemort and everyone’s favorite potions master?

Hey, kids: clause order matters, 'kay? *un-crushes Severus and re-blocks him*

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spoilers! you have been warned! we were told in the seventh book that lily Grew up with snape, and how he never got over her. this is his story. songfic to 'mu immortal' by evanessance

I'm intrigued by their choice to capitalize only the word "Grew" along with the presence of "mu". Is this fanfic perhaps some kind of koan to be transcended along the path to enlightenment?

Ever known someone who's meant to be dead, a person who you thought you knew. Yeah that happens alot dont ever think you know someone cause you could get a massive surprise jsut like the order did.

Two words: Zombie Sirius.

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A rec: Severus/Lily 5th year, G rated, ~1700 words, utter fluff (for which I apparently have a weak spot the size of Texas when it comes to these two): http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3963931/A_Winters_Night

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This Pottersue fic smells of purposeful badfic to me, but you can't beat lines like this with a stick wand:
“You fucked Hermione and she was MINE!” Snape kicked Dumbledore in his balolos. Dumbledore screamed, “My fragile balolos!” He fell to the floor grasping his groin.

A vision then appeared. It was Dumbledore, entombed in his cursed mummy armor, calling Harry from his Moon base.

"Harry, you must rock the fuck out."

WHAT


I don't know if I hope there's a whole fic out there that this is quoted from, or if the thought turns my brain to Jell-O.

Very, very terrified Jell-O.

eta: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2554200/1/HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


"THAT WAS FUCKING METAL", indeed.