You seem to be having trouble with your words for the male member. It's not necessary, in fact it's quite awkward-sounding, to keep changing terms. Just pick one or two and repeat them (I favour "cock" myself, most of the time). You're rapidly running into silly-sounding territory. The word "privates" probably shouldn't be used by anyone over the age of twelve or under the age of fifty, and certainly not by the narrative voice, unless you are going for ironic humour.

“Sorry!” was the almost indubitable response he got out of Snape.

... O.o ? Did you just close your eyes and point at a list of big words?

her eyes – jade and moss galaxies detonating in on themselves

LOL. That has got to be the purplest (greenest?) phrase I've read in quite a while.

applause, static-ing past the two teenagers like fog

Apparently fog creeps in on little staticky feet. Who knew?